‘Tis the season.
When someone would ask me what my favorite season was, I would jokingly reply with “Calendar season or Vivaldi season? Because they’re different.” (Calendar: Fall, Vivaldi: Winter). Joking aside, there really is a different season for everything. A season for love, a season for growth, a season to heal. And sometimes, when we so desperately want to be in one season, we miss out on the season we are currently in. Which takes longer to get through because we aren’t giving ourselves the time to properly grow, to completely heal or the time we need to love ourselves unconditionally.
I used to not understand why I was single for so long. I would break my own heart every time I tried getting myself back out there. Crying and not understanding why no one wanted me, why no one saw what I started to see in myself again. I would become emotionally exhausted trying to reach for something no one wanted to give me. I would get angry with God because I wouldn’t get the one thing I wanted most in this lifetime, when I wanted it.
I would say things like “I would be such an amazing girlfriend, why am I single? I’m so cool!” and sometimes even things like, “Is anyone ever going to want me?” (Not to toot my own horn…but, I would be an amazing girlfriend, and I am very cool—wait, did you seriously just say toot? Not cool Mon, definitely not cool…)
Great, so why am I still single?
Well, one day it dawned on me–It wasn’t my time to be in a relationship because I still had a lot of growing to do. And if you know me, that’s one hell of a pill to swallow. I’m stubborn remember? Love is patient. And a lot of times, I am not patient. But, I am working on that. During my 40 Days Without Social Media Cleanse, I was able to tap into the silence. I really had a chance to listen, and that’s when my growth started propelling faster than I thought it could.
After my year of yes, I realized I had chosen 2016 to grow, feel, and heal. I realized that the reason I was still single, was because I needed to grow into the woman I was intended to be. I needed to take the time to feel emotions that I didn’t think were possible, like forgiveness and acceptance. I needed to come to terms with the pieces of my puzzle who made me who I was. I needed to answer the call and reclaim the lovely parts of me I had dismissed for so long. I needed to heal the things I thought were just black holes from my past. I needed to find peace within myself, and get rid of any negativity that was still floating around, unresolved. I needed to fall in love with myself again and remind myself how much I was really worth.
Once I accepted the growth, and I started doing the things that I knew I had to do, everything seemed a lot easier. I surrendered control of that season of my life. It wasn’t me giving up, it was me giving into the season I was currently in. The hope of wanting to be with someone was still there in the back of my mind, I just wasn’t letting it rule my thoughts. Instead, I changed my attitude. I stopped being mopey or angry about it, and I found myself working towards my redemption and my personal reward.
Don’t get me wrong, I still have days where those mean, negative thoughts come back. I start thinking, “Maybe I’m not worth it. Maybe no one will ever want me.” And sometimes, they take over loveleemonicaa. She becomes bitter and hopeless. The hopeful romantic she is deep inside once again becomes the hopeless romantic, who thinks God forgot about her, and is impatient about her current season. She cries and gets back up again, she just keeps swimming–she is a lovely human being in the making.
But I’ve come to find that those thoughts aren’t true at all. They are lies we tell ourselves; to make it through another day without being with someone. And we need to stop. Because, I am a lovely human being. YOU are a lovely human being. You deserve someone that will want and adore you, make you blissfully happy. But, you also deserve to want and adore yourself too, and find your happiness within.
We need to start thinking things that build us up and make us feel worthy, instead of things that are just easy to say and hurt us more than we know. We need to fall in love with ourselves again. Because once we do, the glow inside you will illuminate the world around you, and believe it or not, someone will notice. Someone will fall in love with you too.
Seasons change, I promise.
The thing about these seasons though, is that you don’t really know when each one will end. And if you’re anything like me, you’re super impatient about it. Sometimes along the way, you want a God-treat because you’ve felt like you’ve mastered something. But, that’s not how it works. And I’ve found that the less you expect, the better it just turns out to be in your favor.
Who knows, you might have already met the love of your life, or you’re as frustrated as Charlotte from Sex And The City, saying:
I’ve been dating since I was 15, I’m exhausted. Where is he!?”
The good news is, you’re not going to wait forever. You might meet the love of your life tomorrow or 10 years from now. (God I hope it’s not 10 years.) The point is, there is a reason for your season. We need to remember to focus on the present, to see the life that’s in front of us now, and understand that this is just a season. Remember, there is a time for everything, and right now it is a time for you. Narnia saw Christmas again, and you will too.
If you’re wondering when your season is going to end, maybe you need to let go of something that is holding you back from getting to the next step. Or listen to the voice that’s been trying to guide you all these years. Start the healing process and welcome the growth. Surprise yourself; remind yourself what makes you so special. Then, just surrender, and trust that this season is meant for a reason. (Easier said than done, I know.)
Here’s a quote to hold you over. (From one of my favorite human beings, yes another Jane.)
‘To you I shall say, as I have often said before, Do not be in a hurry, the right man will come at last.”
Well, with all the growth and the healing I welcomed into my life this past year…I came to accept that I’m not the girl you fool around with, I’m the woman you marry. Mic. Drop. That’s right, I said it. I’m gonna be the coolest wife, future babe don’t even know.
I realized, it’s okay to want this for myself, it doesn’t make me crazy. Because…I. Am. Worth. This. (And you are worth this too, I mean have you seen how lovely you are? How cool and amazing you are? You. Are. Worth. It.) Some of you reading this might not want this for yourself, and that’s okay too. You are worth whatever it is you want. That’s what makes you lovely–your desires are yours to hope for, yours to believe, yours to own.
But, that’s what you get when you date me–an awesome future wife. And I get it, a lot of people aren’t really looking for that right now or want that anytime soon, and sometimes that scares people off...#BoyBye. Hell, I’m not ready to get married tomorrow, but still, it’s the end goal for me–a helpmate relationship that will breathe life into our adventures around the world, our beautiful kids, our hopes and dreams, and our bad ass golden years.
So…during this season while I am working on being the best me that I can be, M83 told me to Wait, so I am.
I’m waiting for the one who all of a sudden realizes they just met the love of their life, looks up and says, “Holy shit, I just won the lottery…like 5 times. My God, thank you, she is so lovely.”
And God replies, “Yup, that’s her! She’s pretty amazing, I would know. You have found her, now go and get her.” #HeyJude
What? You didn’t know God speaks in song lyrics? Oy Vey. Go back and listen.
For all I know, the love of my life has stumbled upon this very post and is thinking “Man, I like this girl.” And if that’s the case, it’s lovely to meet you. Where the hell have you been? Just kidding. Hi.
Give your season a chance.
This is a time for you. This is the time for you to discover yourself, to find yourself (again), to unveil your worth. To surprise yourself, to love yourself. A time to learn something new about yourself. A time to figure out what’s hurting you. What’s been holding you back for so long? Is there something out there you’ve always wanted to try? Go try it! Have you been struggling with your impatient self? Girl, preach. First of all, take a deep breath. (I mean like a 10-second inhale.) Pausing for inhale…okay now pausing for exhale…Okay, good.
Now repeat after me:
My time will come. There is someone out there for me. Someone who will not only want me, but adore me. I can overcome this season. I am amazing.
I. Am. Lovely.
Read it again.
And, if that didn’t work, I’ll be the first to say, I come back to this post myself a lot…like, a lot…and I reread it a million times. You. Are. Not. Alone.