Haters Gonna Hate, Winners Gonna Win.

One of my mantras this year is:

That sounds like a fortune cookie. I know, I wrote it. 

But what if we went into things as if we had already won? What if the outcome didn’t matter, and you already succeeded? It takes the pressure off a bit, doesn’t it? Some people need the pressure but I’m at a point where I feel as if the pressure is making things worse. I’ve made the mistake of letting people define what success meant for me before taking time to define it for myself.

So what does success look like for you? How does that look like for everyone else?

Winning and Success

I think one of the biggest lessons you’ll ever learn in life, is what happens to the world around you when you start to succeed. Spoiler alert: not everyone is going to like it. 

In fact, you’ll start to notice a lot of people will start to go rogue. If you’re in the mindset of seeking success, a lot of people are not going to know how to react or respond to you. They’ll make you feel as if they don’t support you. They’ll stop talking to you. They won’t even congratulate you when you’ve actually won. People you thought were your best friends, won’t even know what to say to you.

This. Is. Normal.

The people who constantly tell you they support you, the people who support others but when it’s your turn to win they look the other way, the people who congratulate you but talk shit behind your back, the people who choose to believe rumors about how you got to your success—these people will never understand success until it comes to them. You cannot do anything to help them understand that any faster. Don’t waste your time defending yourself to them, instead take the time to enjoy your victory.

If you work hard, help others, achieve success, then you continue working hard and helping others, you will continue to win. It is that simple. Often times, those that haven’t succeeded yet still, will continue to surprise you and distance themselves from you.

Again, this is normal.

This shouldn’t be normal, but for right now it is. Those people will not understand this formula of yours. So simple, yet when they try to do it, they become frustrated that it’s not happening as quickly as they want it to.

My advice to those people: Stop comparing your life to everyone else around you.

If you ever catch yourself comparing someone else’s success with your own, remember this:

Success is defined differently for everyone. Some might measure that in a raise or promotion, some might measure that in completing a mile. Some might measure it with happiness, some with balance. So right off the bat, you’re comparing something that is different for everyone. So stop.

Success falls under a different timeline for everyone. The good news is everyone will eventually succeed. And when you do, it might mean that someone else has not. This is when they might start to shut down and show some true colors. You cannot control that timeline, so instead of trying to prove them wrong or explain yourself, keep succeeding the way you know how to achieve greatness.

Be Humble

There are ways to celebrate your success without rubbing it in. Being thankful is the first step. Take some time away from people and spend some time with The Universe. Thank God for the blessing. You worked hard, you met The Universe halfway, you deserve it. You don’t have to post it on social right away (or at all), you don’t have to shout from the rooftops and tell everyone. You get to have a moment for yourself and reflect on the steps that got you there, the opportunities and doors you walked through. That is how you stay humble—by thanking and looking back to connect the dots that got you to where you are now.

Rising and falling

When you start to rise, others will try to pull you down. It’s a balancing act that you might not want to be a part of. Unfair balance? Yes. But that’s just how it works sometimes. The minute you start to feel: lonely but happy, proud of yourself without the need of affirmation from everyone in the room, content with a routine you’ve struggled to figure out, one that is really starting to work for you but not others…

That’s when you know you’re actually cleaning house and stepping further into your purpose.

Some of those people are not part of your purpose, but that doesn’t mean that you make yourself better than them. No one is better than anyone. And sometimes, we have to learn to let go of toxic people, people who aren’t helping us grow positively anymore. I’m not saying leave them behind (unless you have to) but if they’re meant to come back into your life, they will. If not, be thankful for their time, the memories, the life lessons you learned from them. They too might be off to bigger and better things, where you don’t fit in the picture anymore.

This. Is. Okay. This is life.

You will get the right affirmation from the right people. They will glorify you, they will redeem you. They will tell you that all your hard work paid off, you will get the answers you seek. But often times, the exact words you’re looking for will only come once or twice, from the right people at the right time. They will sometimes even come from yourself, but you won’t be listening.

The problem we have sometimes is that instead of being grateful for that redeeming moment, we try to make it happen again with everyone else. Instead of humbly listening once, we want more. We are thirsty for it. This is where we run into tarnishing success. We start hearing other things, we start believing them. We get so obsessed that we forget it was already answered for us. The success stops having its true meaning. You enter the circle of redefining what success means to them, instead of what it had always meant to you.