Dear Lovely, Seasons change.
I heard that sigh.
Is it really a season if you’ve never seen change for what feels like your entire life?
You keep asking this question…I know you’re losing hope.
You keep challenging the wheel that’s turning behind you. Pushing against it as if your strength is going to prevent your blessings. You can’t seem to let go of the wheel. Why are you pushing back so hard?
You’re right. It was never meant to be this long, but you’re questioning things you never have before and that scares you. The rabbit hole looks deeper and you’re threatening The Universe to jump off the plank.
I get it. You want to give in. Don’t.
You can yell. Scream into the void…or your pillow. You can say how you feel.
I know it’s not fair but look at how far you’ve come.
I don’t think it’s that you want to hit reset or that you think it was all for nothing but you’re getting really close to that edge my love. Step down. Let go of the wheel.
I keep sending you signs, songs, people, pictures, numbers. Your friends tell you what I have also told you. It’s as if you don’t believe me anymore. We’re all screaming at you and you’re so numb that all the confirmation just feels like a lie.
It’s fine if you don’t believe me anymore.
The best kind of trust happens in the middle of doubt.
Harvest is coming…
If spring was an awakening and summer felt empty, what do you think fall is going to bring? They don’t call it a harvest season for nothing, just saying.
I can feel you rolling your eyes right now and I’ll take it.
Is it always going to be like this? Yes, no, maybe.
You’re fighting the true voice. Listen.
I keep showing you signs that seasons change, I know you can see that. It’s something tangible; predictable. You can count down from the calendar. You look forward to it because it gives you hope that one day your season will change too.
I understand it’s harder to believe what you can’t see. Time moves slower there, I get that. But what is blocking you from believing that the wheel is actually turning in your favor? Why are you afraid that what’s in your heart won’t come to life?
Because it never has.
Yet. Never. Soon. Yeah, right.
Doubt doesn’t always have to be taboo. You don’t always have to have belief. There can be moments where you feel like you want to trash everything you’ve ever held on to. Start anew. That sounds good. But does it feel good?
There are parts of you that you’ve tried to throw away. Burn. Kill. Why?
Can’t you see those are the best parts of you? I can. So do others.
When you feel like I’m not turning the wheel, it’s probably because I am actually spinning it so fast you can’t even feel it where you are. Believe me. Or at least, try.
Don’t give up hope. The walls of your heart are made with it.