HOW TO FIND YOUR VALUES

When I hear or read the word values I get a bad taste in my mouth. I think it’s from past trauma of having my values be defined for me. This is exactly why I want to talk about defining your own values. Spoiler alert: you don’t have to have the same “values” as your parents did anymore. If some still align, cool! But you can have some of your own too.

Here’s why it’s important: I think we get into the wrong partnerships (I’m talking friends, work buddies, relationships, business partners, family, you name it) because we are still holding on to things that we thought we valued when in fact we actually valued something completely different or we found our own definition of what that is for us.

Sometimes we get so bombarded with other people’s values that they become our own. That’s great if you’re aligned with them but what if it doesn’t vibe with you and you’re just hanging on to it because someone else taught it to you?

What exactly is a value?

It’s one of those words that you know, right? But if someone were to ask me to define it I would list examples. I like going back to the definition of things to find out which one I gravitate more towards. These days, definition number three from Merriam-Webster sticks out to me.

Value: relative worth, utility, or importance

Merriam-Webster

What is important to you? What has worth in your eyes? What is something that you can use to help you when starting a relationship or adding someone into your life? These are questions to help build your new list of values. Here are all the definitions for the word value. Which one stands out to you?

What do you value?

It’s the honesty for me. That’s a big one. Support, that’s big too. Spirituality instead of religion, that’s new. Our values can grow and change over time. They should. You’re a growing and evolving human being. Have you taken the time to list out things that you value? How does that list look? Has it changed? Wanna add another thing? You can! Go for it.

Why are values important?

It’s important to know where you stand. Important to know what boundaries you create. If you have a list of values, things that are important to you in this moment or season of your life, you’ll be able to make decisions that help you. You’ll start to sort your friends into categories that serve you—is this person worthy of knowing my life plans? Is this a friend I can go to when I need help? Is this a friend that can make me laugh? Having values helps you find the lovely life you’re trying to create. Which values are you going to add to your list?