Loving Yourself in Your Own Love Language
Have you ever heard of the five love languages? Based on a book written by Gary Chapman, the five love languages were first introduced to help improve your relationship with your partner. Well…what if you used your own love language to love yourself? Yeah, I know. Mind blown.
We are always taught how to have the best relationships with others only to neglect the self-love journey we need. The good news is, you don’t have to be single in order to work on yourself.
The relationship you have with yourself is the most important relationship you’ll ever have. To quote RuPaul…
“If you don’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?”RuPaul
The five love languages
Now, you don’t need to read the book to be an expert on your love language. In fact, I have an easier way for you to navigate this. Take this quiz. Even if you already know what your love language is, it’s good to take the quiz and see if anything has changed. Spoiler alert: you can have more than one love language. In fact, you might be killing it with your primary love language and have no idea that you’ve been slacking with another.
Here are the five love languages: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Physical Touch, Receiving Gifts, and last but not least, Acts of Service. You can have a mix of each, a top three, or one super dominant one. My primary love language is Quality Time, followed by Words of Affirmation and Physical Touch. So…how do I love myself in these love languages? Keep reading!
Words of Affirmation
This is defined as saying supportive things to your partner. Now, I want you to imagine yourself as your partner. Sometimes we say some pretty nasty things to ourselves. Would you say that sabotaging thought to someone else? The best way to practice loving yourself if this is your love language is to speak to yourself as if you were someone you loved.
Try saying affirmations out loud to yourself in a mirror. If that makes you uncomfortable, start by writing them down in a journal and work your way up to saying them out loud. You can write yourself a letter. Here are some Lovely Letters to spark some inspiration. The biggest takeaway here is to support yourself by telling yourself lovely things.
I bet you’re nailing this one right now. This love language pretty much speaks for itself. Sure, it’s about spending time with a partner but have you spent time with yourself? I mean no distractions. Put your phone away, watch a show. Take yourself out on a date. Read. Meditate. Think of this love language as being present with yourself.
I recently thought I mastered this. Until I discovered an underlying condition to this love language called commitment. Are you valuing the boundaries and commitments you set with yourself? Something as simple as committing to taking a day off or working out are both actions for quality time. Now, following through with your commitments, that’s self-love babe. You gotta show up for yourself too.
I associate this love language with the body. Getting a massage counts. A bath counts. A workout counts. What about a vibrator? That counts too! Whatever makes you feel good and loved. Remember, something that may be for you might not be for someone else. And guess what? No one else matters right now because we are focusing on YOUR self-love. So do what feels good. There’s no judgment here.
Nourishing your body also works. If Quality Time and Physical Touch are two of your love languages, try a hygge day. Working on your skincare routine or your hair routine, maybe you love giving yourself a pedicure or a manicure. All of these things count. If your love language is physical touch, ask yourself: How is my relationship with my body? How can I make that relationship better?
Cool! I get to buy myself things. Yes, but you don’t always have to go all out. Think of these as little treasure chests or rewards. This can be chocolate. This can be something you’ve had in your cart for a while. But, buying yourself things doesn’t always have to be materialistic. Think outside the box.
What if you bought yourself a weekend getaway? How about an online course? Investing in yourself can also be the best form of self-love currency. Take a look around your kitchen. Is it time to upgrade the blender? How about those pans? Using this gift can be sweet like candy but it can also upgrade your life. It’s all about balance. Gift yourself something fun one month and invest in something the next.
Acts of Service
This love language basically means you like it when things are set up or planned so that everything functions efficiently and you don’t have to worry about it. Great but, how can I serve myself? Easy! Have you made yourself a nice dinner? Tried a new routine? Dedicated time to cleaning while listening to a podcast?
Acts of service can even be saving money or setting up automatic bill pay for yourself so that you don’t have to worry about it. Think about it this way, what is something you would do for someone else? News flash! Anything you do for someone else, you can do for you.
Go Love Yourself
If upon reading some of these, you’re curious about dipping into a love language that’s not yours…GO FOR IT! The whole point of a self-love journey is discovering what YOU like. You can take the quiz or go in blind. Loving yourself is part of finding a lovely life worth living.