Episode 22: Self-Love Tool: How To Work With Your Inner Child In Your Self-Love Journey
It’s time for another self-love tool! Class is back in session. Our last session was about working with the Summer season. Using external tools like seasons is a great way to alchemize self-love tools. This time, we’re going internal and tapping into a little sweet self-love.
We always seem to chat about inner child healing when I talk to lovely souls on the podcast. Working with my inner child in my self-love journey has helped me to trust my intuition more and learn how to love myself a little deeper. Let me show you how to work with your inner child for your self-love journey.
Life update!
The last self-love checkin was a big chat about loving yourself in transition. I talked about the five year plan trap and how I’ve been navigating the point a to point e plan more than the point a to point b (spoiler alert, that one does not exist!). Part of that transition led me to a decision I had to make for my future.
I greet you in this episode in my new apartment! Still in transition. But the move itself triggered a past version of me that kept pulling me back. So I got the tool kit out and worked with her to figure out why we were so hung up on the bus bench waiting for something to happen. I often share about how working with past versions of myself has helped me in my self-love journey and this instance confirmed that self-love tool even more.
Inner Child Perspective Shift
Working with my eight-year-old self during this past move reminded me that our inner child sees love in a very different way. They don’t see a need to be fixed or healed. Often times, they just want to be seen. And most of the time, they actually want to be seen by you.
Eight-year-old me reminded me that the self-love tool is less about trying to heal our inner child and more about accessing and understanding where they are coming from. We often hear the interweb voices say how important it is to heal your inner child. I think that is ten steps ahead of where we need to start. We need to first create a safe space to access our inner child.
Accessing your inner child
Therapy has been a great self-love tool for me. It was the place where one particular access tool opened up a brand new tool kit. One of the first exercises my therapist had recommended to me was in a journal. This opened up a pathway to accessing my inner child and I got curious about how else I could access some of the other ages I wanted to reconnect with.
This is the exercise my therapist taught me: Let your dominant hand write out a question on one side of the journal (think two page spread set up) and then answer the question on the other page with your non-dominant hand. You’ll be surprised what comes through. It might be simpler than you expect.
Working with the five senses is your first tool:
- Taste: What are some flavors that bring back some nostalgia? When was the last time you bought yourself a birthday cake? (Heads up – it doesn’t have to be your birthday to buy yourself one! Free will, remember?!) What about a snack you were never allowed to have? These are portals to your past through your taste buds. The intention is to help your inner child feel seen through the sense of taste.
- Sight: Put an old picture of you as your lock screen on your phone or in your wallet. On your bathroom mirror. Every time you look at this photo, say something sweet. Make plans with them. See them. That’s what they want you to do.
- Sound: Make a playlist with songs from your childhood. I actually used this one to access my teen-self. We love her. Music has the power to reactivate memory. It can bridge the gap between the past and the present. Maybe you both sit there and listen to a full album. No words needed. This is part of the safe space creation. Build the environment first.
- Smell: When I was younger, I wanted to smell like candy. (Still do!) When was the last time you took a bubble bath? Do you remember what scents you gravitated towards? This is the self-care sense that can merge with your adult self. Maybe you go smell perfumes at Ulta. Or you smell candles at the farmers market. How can you access a memory with scent?
- Touch: Textures are a big one here. Did you have a blanket or a soft teddy bear growing up? Maybe you go to Marshalls and feel the blankets in the aisle. Buy yourself a new one. Incorporate art in this one. Perhaps you finger paint or play with shaving cream. Give yourself a scalp massage or scratch the inside of your arm. How can your touch soothe you?
Create something together
After you gain access to a past version of yourself, I always recommend creating something with them. This is a great way for you to connect with them and build trust through quality time. It can be a collage or one time I made a Valentine’s Day box and wrote her Valentines, that was fun. Perhaps you make a meal together or plant a new herb and water it together every morning. The point is to not just get access from them, it’s to build something with them.
Take them on dates
A big part of my self-love journey was dating myself. Prioritizing quality time with myself and actually putting something on the calendar. If you haven’t tried that yet, setting the intention to do it with your inner child is a great way to start. Maybe you go roller skating with them. When was the last time you went bowling? Have you had a snow cone this year? Please say yes (or not yet)! Integrating them into your life in an intentional way helps build that connection even more.
Add them to your daily life
After the calendar dates are in a good groove, the next step is to integrate them into your daily life. At this point, they will and should trust you more. They want to feel valued in your decision making. But! They shouldn’t be the ones driving. Remember that the person with the authority over your life now is you today, that is who gets to drive little you around and have fun. They can chime in but you’re still the one driving. You are working on building together a sense of trust and understanding. Because they want to be seen, sure. But what they really want is to be known. To be loved by you.
Remember: access, not fixing
I have used the word heal a lot. I do think it’s important. But our inner child doesn’t want to be healed. You are the one that wants to heal them. That is still the goal but more like the cherry on top. The bigger reward is getting access to them so that you can build a relationship with them. By seeing them, and knowing them, you give yourself an opportunity to understand them more. To love yourself more. Deeply and truly. The love you seek is always available to you. Within yourself you can find that little you and show them that they deserve to be loved too.
Check out episode 22!
Season two is moving and grooving, but if you need more lovely words to help guide your self-love journey, there are lovely gems waiting for you on the blog.
Whether you’re just starting your self-love journey or you’re in the middle of it, you’re not late or behind. The intent for this place was always to make you feel less alone.
If you’re in the middle of a new life chapter, know that you’re not doing anything wrong or choosing a wrong path. The path you choose will always lead you to where you’re meant to be. Trust the process and give yourself the opportunity to bet on something new, you never know where it will lead you.
The find a lovely life podcast is available on your favorite podcast platform and on YouTube. Check out episode twenty-two!
Dive into the podcast!
Episode 22 | How To Work With Your Inner Child In Your Self-Love Journey – Find a Lovely Life: A Self-Love Journey Podcast
- Episode 22 | How To Work With Your Inner Child In Your Self-Love Journey
- Episode 21 | How To Work With Summer In Your Self-Love Journey
- Episode 20 | Self-Love Check-in: Loving Yourself in Transition
- Episode 19 | Self-Love Tool: How To Work With Winter In Your Self-Love Journey
- Episode 18 | Self-Love Check-in: Dive Into Your Transformation
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